EVERSINCE the operation I haven't been able to lose the bags under my eyes. Wasn't able to shake the insomnia too. All that sleeping in the hospital must have wreaked havoc in my hypothalamus... and re-wired my sleep system. Saan ba nakakabili ng antok?

When I delivered Gambel I was on spinal anaesthesia, and in the days that followed I struggled to overcome the "memory loss" that was the side effect. While I still remembered numbers -- TIN, SSS numbers (mine and Mike's), telephone numbers, my student number from UP, etc., I found myself always forgetting episodes -- or what I was supposed to say. "Ano na nga 'yun?" was a frequent blurt-out back then. It was disconcerting. So I worked on overcoming the disability, doing mental aerobics every morning and not quitting till I remembered/recovered the trend of thought I was going to discuss. Luckily, I recovered (I think). :)

Now, after that spinal anaesthesia for my oophorocystectomy, I'm struggling not with memory loss per se, but total performance loss. It's somewhat unnerving... knowing you're not at your performing best, thinking best, writing best...even dressing best. Parang you're not yourself... not really sick, just a little unwell.. I know it sounds crazy to expect to be back in old form two weeks after a major surgery, kaya lang, yun na nga, I feel like an object in a Salvador Dali painting (in other words, I feel surreal...) I want to be back doing, writing, thinking, moving like I used to. But somehow, a part of me holds back or does not deliver according to expectations... and it's quite unnerving and irritating, even depressing. :(